work life balance

How To Deal With Mom Burnout And Be A Happier Mom Again

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Read time: 8 minutes
mom burnout

Mom burnout, yes, it’s a real thing. Everyone imagines a mother to be happy as she cares for her family day in and day out. But the reality is that the hidden burdens of motherhood take a toll on a mother’s health.

WHAT IS MOM BURNOUT?

Mom Burnout is when you are so exhausted from your motherhood duties that you feel empty. It is when you have nothing left to offer emotionally or physically.

Though it sounds extreme, many mothers suffer through mom burnout because there are no sick days for mom.

To every exhausted mom reading this post, I want you to know, you deserve rest. You deserve time with yourself. Most importantly, know that you are already doing enough for your family. You don’t need to be a better mom; you already are the best your family has.

I have been there many times as a mom. Pushing myself and wanting to give more when I had nothing left to give. It is hard to refocus on yourself and your needs when you are so used to caring for your family.

Sometimes we don’t have a choice (when solo parenting and single parenting) sometimes we forget ourselves in being a good mother.

But our mental health is important. Not just for ourselves but for our families.

Related reading : Why do moms get so angry?

How to stop being an angry mom?

Here is how you can recover from a mom burnout.

mom burnout

10 WAYS TO AVOID AND RECOVER FROM MOM BURNOUT

Step back

Take a step back when you feel you are about to burnout. Assess your life situation and try and find the reasons behind your mom burnout.

Are all tasks divided equally between you and your partner?

Are the children settled in their routine?

Is the family over scheduled for activities and events?

Once you pinpoint the reasons for your burnout only then can you start actively solving the problem.

Here is how you can automate your household life. Once you simplify your daily tasks into routines you begin to find more peace and joy.

Ask for help

If you find yourself doing a lot more than your husband in the house, it is time to chalk out a new plan and divide responsibilities. Whenever this is not possible, (maybe your husband works long hours or travels for work or maybe you are a single parent) outsource whatever you can.

There is nothing wrong with hiring help or outsourcing a few tasks to close family and friends. You are not failing as a mother. It is not possible for one person to do it all and you need to give up on this, Super Mom attitude. Ask for help when you need it.

Stay away from the phone

This may sound like an out of place advice in an article about mom burnout. But believe me, you don’t realize how much time you are spending on your phone. A time that can be used to take a short nap, journaling or playing with your kids.

Social media and the new work from home culture has brought mobile devices into our private home spaces and take away from us more than they give us.

So, schedule time away from your phone, or keep phones away in certain areas of your house for example, away from the bedroom or family room when playing with kids. This simple change in habit will help you feel refreshed and more productive.

Good diet

You know how you feel crappy when you had days of junk eating, partying and drinking. Well, when we don’t care for our bodies, the body sends us signals. Busy mothers ignore their own dietary habits, often eating leftovers, and drinking cups of coffee.

Where is the nourishment your body needs to thrive on? You end up feeling exhausted and tired all the time.

Mothers need to focus on their own diets as much as they do their children’s. I know its easier said than done. I realized I had stopped eating fruits once our son started weaning onto solids.

I was cutting and prepping fruits for him to eat, but no longer sitting down and enjoying my own favorite food, fruits!

I used to love berries, apples, and watermelons. But after our son transitioned onto solid foods I become so obsessed with his eating habits that I completely ignored mine. Ignoring fiber-rich foods led to some gut issues and feeling generally at unease.

That was when I took stock of the situation and realized I need to set good habits for myself so that our son learned by example.

The strategy to get me eating healthy is to eat alongside my son. When he eats fruit, I eat some too. We do a lot of family-style meals so that all of us are eating healthily together and not just the kid.

Exercise

I also ignored exercise for a long time. In November of last year, I started working on my stamina. I had reached a point where I knew that only diet was not going to help me.

Exercise immediately made me feel happier, the effects of dopamine release are for real! I found myself less stressed and calmer. I try to integrate some form of exercise in my daily routine without making it a task.

I walk when our son cycles or take the stairs. 2-3 times a week I do 20-minute workouts at home. It doesn’t take a lot to make a commitment. You have to shift focus on yourself and you find the time to do it.

Schedule time for you

From my personal experience, I can say that if you don’t schedule time for yourself, you will never find the time. Self-care is crucial for a mother’s mental health. Make it a point to put yourself on your daily schedule. Here is how you build a self routine as a busy mom.

Work on your hobby or pursue your passion

When we are following a routine day in day out it is natural to feel a sense of boredom and lack of accomplishment.

Especially stay at home mothers feel this lack of accomplishment with regards to your own goals. Start working on a hobby, be it creating something, learning new skills, reading books. Keep yourself actively engaged in yourself.

It is ok to say No

Learning to say No, is important for the mothers’ sanity. We can’t always do everything and be there for everyone. Set certain boundaries for yourself. Be honest with those around you. When you cannot commit to something, say No.

Streamline your schedule

One of my biggest learnings as a solo parent and lady in charge of the household is to set realistic everyday goals or to-do lists.

I don’t overcrowd my schedule. I stick with 2-3 important daily tasks that must be done and then a few minor ones that can be skipped if the day gets busier.

Here is an earlier post I wrote on how to be more productive as a work at home mom. I am sure you will find many valuable tips in this article.

Simple strategies like meal planning, having a solid routine and a support system helps me avoid mom burnout as I work from home.

Find your tribe

Finding the right mom tribe, women that gel with me has helped me in so many ways. Making mom friends is as hard as dating. But once you find a tribe of women you relate with, it is so helpful.

I can call or message my girls and rant or talk about anything that’s troubling me. Because many of them are in the same situation as me, I find some sound advice and tips when I need them.

Make some effort to reach out to other moms in local groups, or classes and connect. In the end, a friend can really help on those low days.

I want to include your husband, mother, and mother-in-law too in this circle because these are the first set of people who will try their best to work with you and be there for you. Nurture these relationships and take care of each other.

To sum it up,

I want you to know that mom burnout is real. You are not the only one going through it.

But there are ways for you to get out of this vicious circle. You need to plan in advance, set up systems around you to support you and ask for help.

Until then, stay strong mama. You can figure this out.

5 Common Work From Home Challenges Moms Face And How To Fix Them

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Read time: 9 minutes
work from home mom challenges and how to fix it

A mom’s life is hard. We need to focus on our children, home, and careers all the same time. The modern mother is often showcased as a multi-tasker by media. She can be seen handling everything all at once. But all this work takes a toll on the mothers mental and physical health. Working from home with baby has quickly become a favored option for moms. But not many talk about the work from home challenges and how to help moms navigate this type of work situation. It is not as easy as sitting at a laptop all day in pajamas and getting to work.

I have been working from home since 2015 even before our baby was born and continued in the work from home mode post my maternity break in 2017.

Some of the challenges I faced as a work from home worker before baby are still the same post-baby. But things got exponentially difficult for my work from home career post-baby.

While there are many benefits of working from home, it is also important to highlight some of the struggles work from home moms go through day in day out. There is no talk about this subject and hence no reference point for mothers looking to get back to the workforce.

In today’s post, I talk about some of these work from home challenges and my tips on how to overcome these bumps in the road and keep working on your long term goals.

work at home mom challenges

Common Work From Home Challenges And How To Fix Them

1. Loneliness

The first and most common work from home challenge any remote worker faces is loneliness. You miss the camaraderie of office colleagues and having someone to talk to during your workday. It’s always nice to have someone to bounce off ideas or troubleshoot with.

How to overcome loneliness

If you are a remote worker at a company ask for a colleague to touch base with every week to discuss your work, ideas and challenges. If you are working for yourself, find someone in the same field or confide in your partner. Unloading your doubts and ideas with someone is important to feel confident in oneself. So go out there and find a mentor/friend or work colleague to help you overcome the loneliness.

2. Motivation

One of the challenges of working from home is staying motivated. Especially when you are running your own business, it can get difficult to stay motivated and put in the work each day. You start to get a little relaxed about deadlines or feel bored to sit at the laptop when at home. Goes without saying no motivation means no productivity. You start slacking on your goals and before you know it you are wondering why you are even doing what you set out to do.

How to stay motivated as a work from home mom

I use a daily and weekly planner to help me stay on top of my to-do list. I don’t over schedule myself, because even seeing too many things on the list is a put off for me to start working.

Each day I plan 3-4 activities for the blog on my work at home mom schedule. I divide them into 1-2 big tasks that require more time and attention and 1-2 smaller easy tasks that I can do any time of the day, even with distractions around me.

For the tasks that required my un-divided attention, I sit at my work table and keep my phone away and use my son’s nap time and park time (his granny/dad take him to the park) so I can work without interruptions.

Another trick I use as a work from home mom is to divide my time creatively. I plan my day in a manner that I work in short bursts of time. This way I don’t really feel like I am working. I schedule 30 min dedicated time periods for my work and I make sure to include some of my hobbies like reading and listening to motivational talks on my schedule too.

This small tweak in my schedule helps me feel refreshed and keeps me motivated to keep working throughout the day.

Spending quality time with my son also gives me the boost in motivation I need on slow days. Watching him grow into a little human being discovering new things every day, drives my efforts to be a good role model for him.

I want him to see a mommy who is resilient in the face of changes in her life and continues to work on self-growth in every season of her life.

3. Distractions

When you work from home with little kids, interruptions and distractions are commonplace. A little bit of distraction is not a bad thing, but when those distractions ruin your workflow you are in trouble.

Staying on top of your to-dos for the day is very important to be productive as a work from home mom.

How to minimize distractions

I won’t paint an ideal picture and tell you that you can remove all distractions during your work hours at home. That’s not possible. Even with the kids napping or being away at school there are phone calls to be attended to or deliveries at the door, sometimes your mind can’t focus with the 100 things you are juggling all at once. But the following steps help me keep distractions to a minimum,

  1. As I mentioned, I work on tasks that require focus during time periods when my son is napping/at the park with daddy, when he is at school or bedtime. This is the only real quiet time of the day to work from home as a mom.
  2. Second, depending on your life situation, you need a mother’s helper or another adult to babysit/ or daycare in order to work from home for a dedicated number of hours each day. This is needed for moms who work full time from home.
  3. Set boundaries: Set certain expectations around your work timings, and your needs as a work at home mom. Explain to the children that if they need anything during mommy’s work hours daddy/nanny is there to help them.

4. Deserving acknowledgment as a working member of the family

Unfortunately, we live in a time when parenting is primarily a mothers role. Most work at home moms struggle with managing the home, children, and their jobs. Mothers are carrying an invisible load of to-dos lists and routines. Think about it, in most homes mothers are routine keepers. This means that even when you work from home, you are still in charge of everything that is happening in the home.

Work at home mothers are doing home chores and childcare duties like diaper changes, fixing snacks and meals all in the middle of work hours. This lack of understanding and consideration as a working member of the house leaves most working mothers doing way too many tasks that can be easily shared with the partner.

Though I don’t believe in labels like working mom/ and stay at home mom. The sad reality is that the work at home moms face the worst work circumstances because they are still considered stay at home moms, which means they should work and do everything else a stay at home mom would do.

How to reduce the work at home moms load

Talk with your support system. Voice your needs. Too many women are silent about their needs and bearing a huge workload unnecessarily. It is our job as mothers to explain to our partners what we need. Have clear expectations on how you will work and what type of support you will need from your family.

Share responsibilities wisely between your partner and you. This way you get the time you need and you are not breaking down to the pressures of modern motherhood.

5. Long term goal setting

When you are a solopreneur working from home it becomes difficult to gauge how well you are doing. With no one to report to you can sometimes feel like you are not going anywhere at all.

How to set goals and slay them

Remember this, you are your own champion. You need to keep track of your goals and celebrate when you achieve them. Especially when you work for yourself, you need to take a moment to celebrate your wins too.

Planning and goal setting are vital elements to success in any life situation, but nowhere more important than when you work remotely or on your own.

Decide on how you want to proceed. Early years in motherhood can mean a slower pace but do not mean a full stop towards achieving your goals.

I usually set yearly goals and monthly goals and revisit my list from time to time to check things off the list or tweak my list. Some of us need help in guiding us to set goals and planners like the Slay Your Goals Planner do just that. This planner takes you through the different stages of goal setting and helps you stay on track at every stage.

Most importantly, give yourself grace even when you fail. Maintaining a balance is hard, and you are doing a great job. The fact that you are here reading this article itself shows that you are invested and willing to make working from home with kids work for you.

I hope this blog post acquainted you to some of the realities of working from home and help you prepare for a new mindset as you explore this option.

I feel truly blessed to be able to work from home. I see the best of both worlds, I see my child grow in front of my eyes and I grow my career on the side. This is was one of the reasons to work from home for me and it is this reason that keeps me committed to growing both these aspects of my life.

Are you a work from home mom? What are some of the challenges you face? Do you have tips for other mothers looking to explore this option? Comment below, you never know how your words can impact another mothers life.

How To Move Beyond Motherhood

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Read time: 11 minutes
motherhood

With Mother’s Day around the corner, I see a lot of posts celebrating mothers. I wanted to write one just for moms too. Moms who like me are trying to move beyond motherhood. To create an identity that doesn’t just restrict them to being called Mothers.

Motherhood is so much more than just a phase of life. It is an all-consuming role that we all take on with great love and responsibility.

Don’t get me wrong when I say, I want to move beyond motherhood. I always wanted to be a mother and love being one. I have an inner drive to be a better mom every day. Constantly learning new parenting strategies and techniques to be the best mom I can be for my son.

But does this passion for Motherhood mean that I am just that, a Mother?

THE MILLENNIAL MOTHERS CONFUSION

This is where it gets tricky, as millennial mothers most of us choose this intensive parenting style that requires us to be immersed in child rearing. Along the way, many of us start to lose our personal identities. We allow motherhood and our roles as mothers to take over as our identity.

One unique aspect of Motherhood is its ability to make the most self-centered of us self less and giving for the sake of our children. Its no wonder then, that so many of us lose ourselves in the process.

Millennial mothers are idealists rooted in tradition. 

Think about it, most of us have seen two contrasting examples of motherhood; one, our stay at home grandmothers centering all their focus on quality family life and the other our resolute breadwinning working mothers.

To millennial moms, each of these mothers had something valuable to offer and look up to. But balancing both roles is a tough job.

This is the beginning of my confusion as a Millennial Mother and most other mothers from my generation.

Most of our working mothers lived in joint family setups, these days we all live in nuclear setups. Another important point to note is that back in the day most jobs were truly 9-5, our mothers could come home and spend quality time with us in the evenings. There were two day weekend holidays too. This kind of work life is almost nonexistent today. Workers are expected to put in long hours, sometimes carry work home and a two day weekend off is rare in many Indian companies.

How do we balance a career and motherhood? and can we really have it all?

Neither do we want to relinquish control from our children’s lives nor do we want to give up on our career aspirations.

Millennial working mothers lose themselves in running the home, career and juggling the crazy expectations they have of themselves as mothers.

Millenial stay at home moms are in a constant mental battle; should I let go of my career completely? Will my children value the time I spent with them?

Mom guilt is huge among the millennial mommy lot. As I told you before, we have seen contrasting examples of motherhood. We love both ideas but how can we be both efficiently in today’s fast-paced world?

This brings me to the question that has been the center of intense thought in my personal life –  How to move beyond Motherhood?

WHY ARE SO MANY WOMEN LEAVING THE WORKFORCE IN INDIA

More than ever before women in India are stepping away from the workforce. There are many factors at play here;

  1. modern nuclear family setups,
  2. non-availability of quality childcare (a huge problem in India)
  3. no support systems, our parents were working their entire lives, they deserve a break too.
  4. lack of flexible maternity policies and job opportunities

In a country where the mother is still looked at as the primary caregiver and the father as primary breadwinner, it is quite hard to shun these deeply routed mindsets and focus on our careers.

The working mom is always blamed for all the insufficiencies in her children’s lives. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but where is this village in this modern age?

Noone asks the father in office how he will manage after the birth of his child? Because parenting is not looked at as a fathers concern. There is no concept of equal parenting leaves that can be distributed among both parents.

Mothers in India are constantly battling these questions as they prepare to return to workforce once maternity leave is over.

This deeply routed mindset, coupled with lack of proper infrastructure to care for the baby, leads to many women leaving the workforce in disappointment.

But first, mothers need to stand for mothers.

WE ARE ALL WORKING WOMEN – MOVING BEYOND LABELS

It’s quite unfortunate that large women-oriented websites and media still continue to propagate online debates spurring wars between SAHM v/s Working Mom. It’s hard enough being a mom.

Why can’t a mom just be a mom? why does she need to categorize herself into a stay at home (read lazy mom) or working mom (read hard working mom)?

These are labels given to show women that in order to be worthy or equal to a man they need to go out into the workforce. They have placed a monetary value on the worth of human beings. If you don’t generate an income you are not contributing to society. Do you think your stay at home grandmother or mother didn’t serve a role in contributing to society?

If you choose to stay at home, you don’t all of a sudden become less worthy or lazier compared to other women or men. Understand the divisive nature of these labels before you choose to identify with them.

As women, we should be shunning such labels that place us in rigid boxes. There are all types of moms, stay at home moms, working moms, work from home moms and moms that hop in and out of these three categories. Then why categorize it, let’s be flexible. We are mothers first, and we are all working regardless of income.

Which brings me to the first point in how to move beyond motherhood.

LOOKING AT YOUR LIFE BEYOND THE MOTHERHOOD ASPECT

1. Change your perspective of success

This is for moms who are currently at home and frustrated about a stagnant career. If you made the decision to stay at home with your kids, be confident in your choice. You obviously came to this decision after a lot of thought and consideration.

Look at your career as a long road, if for whatever reason you have to pause, it is just that a “comma”, not a “full stop”.

Work brings meaning to our lives. Isn’t that why we work? If you cannot work full time and earn an income, use your time in other meaningful pursuits.

So what if you can’t go out of the home for a full-time job. Work around it, parallel to it, just keep working. Keep your desire to work alive. This is the key shift in mindset that could lead you to a more flexible new role.

Feeling resigned to your current circumstance and constantly pitying yourself is part of a story you make yourself believe. A story of defeat.

Are all career graphs linear? Many successful women have a non-linear and winding road to success and a career they love. Look at this break as a time to build a thick skin and learn new life skills.

At the end of the day, your resume highlights your skills. And if anything motherhood makes you an amazing manager. I don’t know of any mother who has not multi-tasked and managed high-stress situations head-on.

These are skills to hone, nurture and be proud of.  Wear that motherhood badge with pride. Only then will corporates take you seriously when you choose to join back.

2. Re-skill

Learn new skills, take online courses. Look for freelance gigs to keep yourself creatively and mentally engaged. The joy you will feel on learning new skills will translate to a more peaceful and better motherhood experience.

Regardless if you are working or not all moms should constantly learn and upskill.

Sometimes when you are a working mom too, you are down on yourself with a burden of multiple responsibilities. Take time out to learn something new to regain that self-confidence.

Reskilling and upskilling give you the drive to continue working on yourself.

No education is ever a waste. Your children too will learn to value constant learning in life and seeing you adapt to different situations pick up resilience skills from you.

3. Socialize

Find like-minded friends to go out with. Great conversation helps to nourish the soul. So many times when I was low, just going out with a friend for a coffee instantly helped pick me up. You relate to each other and provide solutions to nagging problems.

An important point to note here is to find friends who lift you up. If you are friends with someone who is constantly negative and only loves to rant that’s not going to help. I would suggest, run for the hills! There is no time for energy suckers in our lives right now.

Finding mommy friends is an art in itself. Almost like dating. But definitely a worthy pursuit in my opinion.

4. Self-care

This is a trending new word all over social media right now. But really, what self-care means is to care for your mind, body, and soul.

Self-care should not be looked at as a reward for working hard as a mother, its an important component of being a fulfilled human being and a good mother.

As they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Look out for yourself. Dedicate time slots in your schedule just for you. Carve out a self-care routine that suits your current life situation.

This does not mean you are a selfish mother, it only means you recognize and fulfill your own needs in order to nurture others.

5. Engage with your passions

Balancing motherhood and careers can mean the death of our passions and hobbies.

Try and find smart ways to engage with your hobbies again, love reading and no time to read, listen to an audiobook of your favorite book as you drive around on chores or to work.

Love dancing, get daddy to babysit on weekend afternoons so you can attend a class.

Even a small effort towards building your old passions helps rejuvenate the mind and bring back your enthusiasm to live life fully.

6.  Set the intention and achieve goals

In the midst of crazy parenting life, we all lose touch with our inner goals and dreams. You need an organized and intentional mindset to getting your dream life and goals.

Spend some time introspecting what you want from life. Chart out monthly, quarterly and yearly goals.

7.  Make your health a priority

This is a big one. Your family needs you to be around for as long as possible. I know many of us stop thinking about our own nutrition as we focus on providing nutritious meals to our littles. I am just as guilty on this one. But how can we perform to our best abilities if we don’t have the energy to do anything.

Set up some practical routines focussed on your diet and fitness. Try to squeeze in time for a little exercise every day.

Pre-prepare meals and snacks on a weekend to help eat healthier on busy weekdays.

Prioritize your health.

Yes, motherhood is a crazy and intense ride. Especially during the early years of our children’s lives. But the point is to make an effort and give ourselves a shot too. Our families deserve fulfilled and content mothers.

The intention of this post is to provide encouragement and hope to mothers who feel lost in motherhood.  Start by making small changes to bring yourself back up your priority list. We can have it all, just not all at once. We will have it all “in time”. Until then keep your spirits up and work on creating a life outside of motherhood. One that is just for YOU.

Here’s wishing all of you a Happy Mother’s Day!

Leave me your thoughts or an encouraging note for other mothers in the comment section below. What do you do just for yourself that has positively impacted your family life? And how did you go about doing this? Let’s have a conversation in the comments section.

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