toddler eating problems Archives

One of the common concerns mothers voice on my Instagram page is do to with toddler eating, “How much should a toddler eat?” and “How do I get my picky eater to eat?”. This got me thinking, what is the one thing a parent can do to encourage healthy eating habits in kids, especially toddlers? My answer was in front of me as I watched my son enjoy his plate of food, happily chomping away at all types of foods, Division of responsibility.

I have spoken about Division of responsibility in feeding many times before, but I think its time I write a dedicated blog post explaining what really is a division of responsibility and how this one concept can make mealtimes stress free for many families with toddlers.

WHAT IS DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY?

Division of responsibility is a term coined by childhood feeding expert Ellyn Satter

According to ELLYN SATTER’S DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY IN FEEDING

Children have a natural ability with eating. They eat as much as they need, they grow in a way that is right for them, and they learn to eat the food their parents eat. Step-by-step, throughout their growing-up years, they build on their natural ability and become competent eaters.

When talking about the toddler to adolescent years, division of responsibility dictates;

The parent is responsible for what, when, and where.

The child is responsible for how much and whether.

Trust is the foundation for future success with healthy eating. Parents trust in the child’s ability to determine how much and whether to eat from what parents provide.

When parents do their jobs with feeding, children do their jobs with eating.

Parents’ feeding jobs:

Choose and prepare the food.
Provide regular meals and snacks.
Make eating times pleasant.
Step-by-step, show children by example how to behave at family mealtime.
Be considerate of children’s lack of food experience without catering to likes and dislikes.

Children’s eating jobs:

Children will eat.
They will eat the amount they need.
They will learn to eat the food their parents eat.
They will grow predictably.
They will learn to behave well at mealtime.

Source: The Ellyn Satter Institute

HOW DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY CAN HELP WITH PICKY EATING

The essence of the division of responsibility is based on “Trust”. Since the parent and the child have a defined role to play in feeding, the parent learns to trust in the child’s learning process. Once the pressure by the parent is off the table the child can freely explore what he likes and how much he will eat.
Challenging boundaries is part of the toddler years and many toddlers love to say “No” in order to see what reaction they can get. If they get a reaction when they say “No”, the more they will say “No”. Feeding time becomes a game and the focus is shifted from the food to playing the game of testing boundaries. With Division of responsibility, since the parent is not involved in decision making once the food is on the plate, the child won’t get a reaction to the “No”. The Focus is now on the plate and not on playing games. Once the pressure is off, the child can now decide if he truly wants to eat the food on the plate or not.

HOW TO HELP PICKY EATERS WITHOUT THE POWER STRUGGLES?

1. If you make special meals for your picky eating toddler, different from what the family eats, stop this practice. Get them used to the same food as the family. Change the terms you use to describe his food. There is no “special food”, “your food”, or “my food” in the home. All food in the home is “our food.”

2. Family-style meals help picky eaters, pick and choose what he likes and build his own plate of food. It involves him in the process, putting the power back into his hands. Family-style meals also get him used to the concept that food eaten by everyone in the family is the same. Example of family-style meals; Taco night, build your own burrito, make pizza with your own choice of toppings, or build a sandwich.

3. At every meal have one or two foods that you know your picky eater will eat. If its potatoes, for example, have a side of potatoes at each meal. This encourages the picky eater to eat along with family at meals instead of whining about the food. Serve his favorite food alongside all the other options at that meal.

Initially, he will just eat the food he knows and loves, but over a period of time as you continue practicing division of responsibility he will try other foods on the plate and before you know it, you all will be enjoying the same meals.

4. Encourage and give the child positive reinforcement when he does try new foods.

5. Create a positive environment around food. Talk about different types of fruits and vegetables, go out and try gardening, talk about how food is grown, cook together, engage in activities that talk about food groups and nutrition, read books on healthy eating together.

All these activities set a positive conversation around food that is centered around learning about food and creates an excitement rather than pressure to eat.

Here are some of the games and books we use to talk about food and nutrition education

The Very Hungry Caterpillar – Eric Carle

Eating The Alphabet – Lois Elhert

Lunchbox: The Story Of Your Food -Chris Butterworth

Hape Fresh Fruit Chopping Toy

Toiing Nutrivity 4-in-1 Game

6. Consistently practicing Division of responsibility is the key to long term success. Shift all your focus on providing nutrient-rich foods to your family, instead of how much is being eaten. This book by Ellyn Satter is a great guide on how to make healthy family meals and raise good eaters. A book every parent should have in their library.

7. Observe weekly consumption in order to understand nutrient intake instead of the quantity of food consumed daily. Is the child growing on track as per his growth charts?

If picky eating has been going on for a while and you are concerned about nutrients like iron and calcium, get a blood test done. Sometimes it is important to find some answers instead of passing on anxiety about food to our children. And if there are some nutritional deficiencies talk with your healthcare provider and get expert help, instead of force-feeding or labeling the child a picky eater.

Recognize that your child is learning about food from his environment and that includes you. The less negativity there is around food the better eater he will be. Learning about food is a process, engage in the process and the outcomes will happen automatically.

Do leave me a comment below if you are troubled with any specific feeding issues and challenges, I will try my best to help you with some tips and tricks.

Toddler eating habits are a topic of discussion on all weaning forums. Once children enter toddlerhood, their eating habits take center stage and parents start to feel like they are in a constant state of war with their kids.

Common challenging areas and questions regarding toddler eating problems are;

The toddler stopped eating
Eats only select few foods (selective eater/picky eater)
Has a reduced appetite (only 1-2 meals a day)
Rejecting previously loved foods
Distracted at meal times

Moms who follow me on Instagram see the success we had with baby led weaning and wonder how my son readily eats every meal offered.

While baby-led weaning has a huge role to play in reducing fussiness at the table, we too have faced other toddler feeding issues such as distraction at meal times, wanting to be out of the high chair, rejecting previously loved foods and dips in appetite.

There is a conscious effort that goes into raising children to be healthy eaters. I will tackle each of these toddler feeding problems and provide actionable steps to encourage and bring back toddler to eating healthily in a calm and gentle way.

No control wars at the table, no tears and no whining. Just a happy and peaceful transition back into regular mealtimes with family.

How is this possible you ask? Well, it does requires a lot of patience and creativity but not impossible to do.

COMMON TODDLER EATING HABITS AND HOW TO MANAGE THEM

The toddler stopped eating

This behavior usually stems from control issues at the table. Once children enter toddler years they begins to exert more and more control over their environments in a bid to gain independence. Don’t take this personally. It’s just a developmental phase.

I would recommend starting by giving independence and freedom to choose the food they like at the table. Serve a family style meal where everyone picks what they like. Giving control over what they can pick and choose is the first step towards breaking the barriers stopping them from eating.

An example of a family style meal can be “Build a Taco Night” Or “Build a burrito night” Some sort of food where they are involved in making and choosing the ingredients themselves as they eat.

Another option is to ask them what they would like to eat between 2 options at dinner. Would you like pasta or dosa? Now, don’t make this a habit, use this technique just to get them to start sitting at the table with you. Be very cautious about the number of times you use this technique otherwise before you know it you are a short order cook.

Also, always pick options that are already a part of dinner time, making it look like a choice to your toddler but not putting yourself through too much trouble making new meals just for the children.

If they still don’t want to eat at dinner time, just go with the flow and let them have it their way. No child will willingly starve himself. This behavior is only one asking for more independence. So give them the independence they seek. As long as your child is otherwise energetic and meeting growth requirements they are doing fine.

Continue practicing a calmer and peaceful meal routine, where you sit with them and eat as a family. Not bothered too much on whats going on in their plate. Just happily eating and enjoying family time at the table. In time they will be reassured that you are truly giving them the choice to eat by themselves and will be back to eating healthily.

How to ensure proper nutrition during this period?

Offer energy-dense foods whenever you can. Adding healthy fats to your child’s meals is one way to make the meals energy dense.
Offer child’s favorites at every meal along with other varieties so that they feel motivated to try more.
Give them time for a lot of physical activity. This was a trick my grandpa used on me when I was a little fussy eating girl. He would take me out for long walks or to the beach nearby every day. I would play to my heart’s content, return home ravenously hungry and eat the same food I rejected at lunch without uttering a single word. A little bit of sunshine and activity always does the trick. As I mentioned before, no child will starve themselves on purpose. When hungry they will eat.

How to restart a positive and encouraging environment at home around the dinner table?

Ideally, parents should be focussed on creating a positive environment around food and eating habits instead of enforcing strict rules on what should be eaten and how much.

Your role as a parent is to decide what foods to serve your child and let your child decide how much and if at all to eat. If this is practiced from the very beginning there is rarely fussiness at the dinner table.

If at all you have lost your way read this article for tips on how to bring your fussy eater back to eating healthily. I speak in depth about the reasons behind toddler fussy eating and tips on creating a positive home environment.

The selective eater

So, your toddler does eat, but only a few of his favorites. Sometimes those options maybe junk foods, then how do you go about changing his eating habits?

The first step is always to start with known foods that are loved. If your toddler loves french fries, offer those in a healthier version – baked fries at most meals alongside other foods. And don’t pressurize on what to eat from the plate. Just wait and watch. When they do try something different let them know that you saw that they tried something new and appreciate the effort they took. Then move on, continue eating your own meal. Do this every time they try something new.

Slowly start to add more varieties on the side and as they start to enjoy newer foods make more and more of the new foods slowly bringing back to complete family meals. It can take up to 10-15 tries before a toddler accepts new foods so don’t be disheartened if they don’t like something in the first or second try.

A great way to get the selective eater open to newer foods is to start taking them to the market, talking about different fruits and vegetables.

Getting them involved in making/cooking something with parental help. Easy dishes for kids to make themselves are fruit salads, salads, smoothies, sandwiches, nice creams, or energy balls.

Key to success with a selective eater is to provide the food they already eat alongside exposure to a variety of other new foods at the table, in the kitchen or at the market. The more they learn about healthy foods the more they will be motivated to try.

Reduced appetite

There is an appetite drop in the toddler years compared to when your child was an infant. This is part of normal development because they are not growing at a fast pace compared to the infant years.

So, the first step here is to check your own expectations on what a normal appetite and portion size for a toddler looks like.

In case you are overfeeding your toddler at meal times, there can be a likelihood that they will skip meals which you, in turn, can look at as reduced appetite.

If your child is truly eating very little even after a lot of activity, you can try and make every food energy dense using healthy fats and proteins to fill any nutritional gaps.

Examples of energy-dense foods: Fruit Smoothies with nut butter and nut powders, paneer aloo patty or meat patty, parathas, pancakes served with nut butter and maple syrup, oats porridge topped with fruit, nut butter, and seeds like chia, hemp, flaxseed.

All of these meals are yummy, filling and nutritious and can help to maintain nutrition on days your toddler is not particularly excited about eating or eating just a few meals.

Rejecting previously loved foods

Another common toddler eating problem is rejecting previously loved foods. This hurts us mommies the most, especially if they loved a healthy food previously.

The key to helping your child get over this phase is consistency. Do not stop offering the food because he rejects it now. Keep on offering the food made in the same way as before alongside other foods he enjoys currently.

And as always do not force or manipulate your child into eating, just offer and wait for him to try on his own.

This takes months sometimes, but having gone through such food rejections I know that they always turn around and come back to the foods they loved. It’s most likely a temporary phase.

Rejecting a few loved foods should be used as an opportunity to introduce other new foods. Tastes change throughout childhood, don’t take these food rejections personally.

No need for labels

Most importantly do not label your child a fussy eater because of such changes in likings. Be careful about what words you use, the child may take your label seriously and start identifying himself as a fussy eater which will lead to even more fussy eating.

How do I know this? Well, I was a former “fussy eater” and I carried the label throughout my childhood with pride. Instead of focussing on teaching me about healthy eating and foods, there was too much focus on what I was not eating and how little I was eating. This only made me want to rebel further.

Respect your children’s wishes too. Sometimes there may be some foods they truly don’t love, it does not make them “fussy eaters” Such labels damage self-esteem and lead to eating problems in children.

Personally for me, once the shift was made from focussing on what I don’t eat to teaching me about healthy foods, I changed my eating habits on my own. Today I eat foods that belong to all the colors of the rainbow. And here I am talking about healthy eating to mothers like you. This shift was self-driven on the foundation of knowledge.

Our role as parents is to drive the shift, share our knowledge and not enforce strict rules that may lead to eating problems.

Distracted at meal times

This is one of the most common toddler eating habits, especially when they first start walking. They want to engage with the world around them and use their feet as a tool to go explore.

Once again as parents all you need to know is that your child is going through a developmental phase. No need for labels, here too! Provide support to your child in the form of consistency and structured routine.

Some tricks that worked for us:

Announcing meal times, so that he knows he has to leave his toys and go sit in the high chair for his meal.
Sitting together as a family. Say to him, “mommy and daddy sit at the table to eat”.
Using the high chair from the very beginning is useful as a form of a reminder, that meal times only happen at the table.
Consistency helps if the situation is getting out of hand and your toddler is getting up frequently. It’s time to end the meal. Believe me, you won’t have to do this more than 2 times for them to get the message that they need to focus on meals at mealtime and play after. You can say, “Looks like you are done eating? Let’s get you out of there”. And stop the meal. If he is still hungry he will ask to sit, that’s when you remind him, meals are eaten sitting down. Once done he can get up.

Being distracted at meal times is also a temporary phase and turns back to normal meal times when handled in a calm and consistent manner.

As much as I say these tips worked for me, I want you to know that implementing them and seeing results does take time and patience. Nothing permanent is ever a quick fix. You have to constantly improvise and stay consistent with your messaging.

Children demand and deserve all our patience.

They also thrive on consistency and routine.

And both of these; patience and consistency are very important when setting healthy eating habits.

As difficult and challenging as it may be, positive language and outlook from both parents motivate children to move quickly through these temporary phases. These attitude changes from the parent’s side are also important so that the feeding issues don’t end up becoming long-term bad eating behaviors.

What feeding challenges do you face with your toddler? Do you have special tricks of your own to handle these toddler eating habits? Leave your tips for other moms reading this article. Let’s talk about our experiences in the comments below.

How To Use Division Of Responsibility With Picky Eaters