How To Use Division Of Responsibility With Picky Eaters

division of responsibility

One of the common concerns mothers voice on my Instagram page is do to with toddler eating, “How much should a toddler eat?” and “How do I get my picky eater to eat?”. This got me thinking, what is the one thing a parent can do to encourage healthy eating habits in kids, especially toddlers? My answer was in front of me as I watched my son enjoy his plate of food, happily chomping away at all types of foods, Division of responsibility.

I have spoken about Division of responsibility in feeding many times before, but I think its time I write a dedicated blog post explaining what really is a division of responsibility and how this one concept can make mealtimes stress free for many families with toddlers.

division of responsibility

WHAT IS DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY?

Division of responsibility is a term coined by childhood feeding expert Ellyn Satter

According to ELLYN SATTER’S DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY IN FEEDING

Children have a natural ability with eating. They eat as much as they need, they grow in a way that is right for them, and they learn to eat the food their parents eat. Step-by-step, throughout their growing-up years, they build on their natural ability and become competent eaters.

When talking about the toddler to adolescent years, division of responsibility dictates;

The parent is responsible for what, when, and where.

The child is responsible for how much and whether.

Trust is the foundation for future success with healthy eating. Parents trust in the child’s ability to determine how much and whether to eat from what parents provide.

When parents do their jobs with feeding, children do their jobs with eating.

Parents’ feeding jobs:

  • Choose and prepare the food.
  • Provide regular meals and snacks.
  • Make eating times pleasant.
  • Step-by-step, show children by example how to behave at family mealtime.
  • Be considerate of children’s lack of food experience without catering to likes and dislikes.

Children’s eating jobs:

  • Children will eat.
  • They will eat the amount they need.
  • They will learn to eat the food their parents eat.
  • They will grow predictably.
  • They will learn to behave well at mealtime.

Source: The Ellyn Satter Institute

HOW DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY CAN HELP WITH PICKY EATING

  1. The essence of the division of responsibility is based on “Trust”. Since the parent and the child have a defined role to play in feeding, the parent learns to trust in the child’s learning process. Once the pressure by the parent is off the table the child can freely explore what he likes and how much he will eat.
  2. Challenging boundaries is part of the toddler years and many toddlers love to say “No” in order to see what reaction they can get. If they get a reaction when they say “No”, the more they will say “No”. Feeding time becomes a game and the focus is shifted from the food to playing the game of testing boundaries. With Division of responsibility, since the parent is not involved in decision making once the food is on the plate, the child won’t get a reaction to the “No”. The Focus is now on the plate and not on playing games. Once the pressure is off, the child can now decide if he truly wants to eat the food on the plate or not.
division of responsibility

HOW TO HELP PICKY EATERS WITHOUT THE POWER STRUGGLES?

1. If you make special meals for your picky eating toddler, different from what the family eats, stop this practice. Get them used to the same food as the family. Change the terms you use to describe his food. There is no “special food”, “your food”, or “my food” in the home. All food in the home is “our food.”

2. Family-style meals help picky eaters, pick and choose what he likes and build his own plate of food. It involves him in the process, putting the power back into his hands. Family-style meals also get him used to the concept that food eaten by everyone in the family is the same. Example of family-style meals; Taco night, build your own burrito, make pizza with your own choice of toppings, or build a sandwich.

3. At every meal have one or two foods that you know your picky eater will eat. If its potatoes, for example, have a side of potatoes at each meal. This encourages the picky eater to eat along with family at meals instead of whining about the food. Serve his favorite food alongside all the other options at that meal.

Initially, he will just eat the food he knows and loves, but over a period of time as you continue practicing division of responsibility he will try other foods on the plate and before you know it, you all will be enjoying the same meals.

4. Encourage and give the child positive reinforcement when he does try new foods.

5. Create a positive environment around food. Talk about different types of fruits and vegetables, go out and try gardening, talk about how food is grown, cook together, engage in activities that talk about food groups and nutrition, read books on healthy eating together.

All these activities set a positive conversation around food that is centered around learning about food and creates an excitement rather than pressure to eat.

Here are some of the games and books we use to talk about food and nutrition education

The Very Hungry Caterpillar – Eric Carle

Eating The Alphabet – Lois Elhert

Lunchbox: The Story Of Your Food -Chris Butterworth

Hape Fresh Fruit Chopping Toy

Toiing Nutrivity 4-in-1 Game

6. Consistently practicing Division of responsibility is the key to long term success. Shift all your focus on providing nutrient-rich foods to your family, instead of how much is being eaten. This book by Ellyn Satter is a great guide on how to make healthy family meals and raise good eaters. A book every parent should have in their library.

7. Observe weekly consumption in order to understand nutrient intake instead of the quantity of food consumed daily. Is the child growing on track as per his growth charts?

If picky eating has been going on for a while and you are concerned about nutrients like iron and calcium, get a blood test done. Sometimes it is important to find some answers instead of passing on anxiety about food to our children. And if there are some nutritional deficiencies talk with your healthcare provider and get expert help, instead of force-feeding or labeling the child a picky eater.

Recognize that your child is learning about food from his environment and that includes you. The less negativity there is around food the better eater he will be. Learning about food is a process, engage in the process and the outcomes will happen automatically.

Do leave me a comment below if you are troubled with any specific feeding issues and challenges, I will try my best to help you with some tips and tricks.

How To Encourage Healthy Eating Habits In Your Fussy Eater

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If there is one common problem most mother’s face, it is fussy eating. This kind of eating behaviour is discussed constantly on mommy forums and groups. We all want our children to eat healthy and have good eating habits. What can be done to encourage healthy eating habits in our children?

Let’s get to the bottom of this. We need to start by understanding eating behaviours. Why is it that an infant who loved a varied diet suddenly turned into a fussy eater?

Most researchers pin this down to a protectionist behaviour in toddlers. Around one year of age they finally begin to understand what they eat and can exert a level of control on how much they can eat. This brings with it a certain level of self protection and guard against different flavours and textures. They crave sameness and consistency. This mechanism helps them feel safe and protected in a period where they are rapidly developing new skills such as speech, walking, running, climbing, certain new cognitive skills etc.

Picky eating is also looked at as a protective natural instinct from an evolutionary standpoint. Toddlers being explorers used to roam free and were exposed to different plants and herbs some of which could be poisionous. This protective instinct helped them from accidently eating a poisonous plant.

Another important aspect to consider as per the American Academy of Pediatrics is that physical growth slows down in the toddler years as compared to the first year of life. This means reduced consumption of food which the care giver can mistake as fussy eating.

Understanding portion sizes is therefore key as toddlers do not need as much food as adults as their stomachs are only the size of their clenched fist. (Dosman & Andrews, 2012). This article shows an exact depiction of what toddler portion sizes looks like.

Picky eating therefore is common due to biological and developmental reasons, as children from ages one to three are exerting their control. This is an important fact to note so that you don’t blame yourself as a parent or blame your child as being naughty, controlling, tantrum throwing  and disinterested in food. When you know its a part of development you can begin to take necessary steps anticipating this behaviour.

Setting food preferences and positive parental modelling

You may wonder why I am focussing so much on the infant and toddler years. This is because experiences with food and food preferences are formed in infancy and early childhood.

Did you know breastfeeding is known to expose infant to a variety of flavours from maternal diet?  Infants have a preference for sweet and salty taste, but through the mother’s milk they may be exposed to newer and different flavours. This helps promote acceptance of these flavours when introduced later through solid foods.

Children’s preferences are also influenced based on availability, continuous exposure and thus familiarity to foods. Positive parental modelling is also shown to lead children to select healthier foods for life. If you don’t make the correct changes at this stage then it becomes harder to change certain preset eating habits later.
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Strategies to change your fussy eater into a healthy eater

    1. Breastfeeding has shown to help in development of a child’s response to internal hunger and satiety cues, and the development of self-regulatory abilities during feeding. This should be carried forward in the weaning stages as well. Baby led weaning is a great way to follow on the path of a more child led way of weaning. But if you are going the traditional weaning route, no problem, respond to your child’s hunger cues at the table. If they are disinterested in a feeding session, stop the session. No point in making it a control game at the table. It is also suggested to introduce lumpy foods early on (before 9 months of age). This will help baby get used to textures from the onset.
    2. A responsive “do as I do” approach has a positive effect on children’s consumption patterns than the unresponsive “do as I say” approach to parenting. Parental modeling of healthy eating behaviours is the first step in solving the fussy eaters drama. Do you eat as a family at the table? Does your child see you eat vegetables and enjoy them too? What do you snack on in front of your child, biscuits? Ice cream? Are you eating a lot of take-out and serving your child special healthy meals while he watches you eat take-out? A lot will be revealed about the family eating patterns in the answers to these questions. Again you don’t want to be banning these food items either (that may backfire later in life too!), but please know what moderation looks like. Children want to be like their parents, if you are happy eating broccoli then they will be too! Make family style dining a tradition at the dinner table. Talk about food you are eating and where it came from at dinner.
    3. Prepare a different variety of the same vegetable. Keeps things interesting and the kids love trying new flavours. One day add broccoli in a pasta dish, the next in a salad then another day steamed as a side.
    4. Create abundance of whole unprocessed foods in the house. When there is abundance picking the healthy option is easy. Stock your house with fruits and vegetables instead of fruit juices, fruit roll ups and other such packaged foods. Teach your child how to eat food in the form nature presented it.
    5. Praise them when they try new foods or eat independently. Positive feedback encourages them to try it again.
    6. Are you are doing everything right, yet your child won’t eat? Consistency helps in this case. Keep offering foods they don’t touch on the plate as a part of their meals. Research shows it takes upto 10 exposures before they choose to eat it. Most parent’s give up before that. I get it, we don’t like seeing food go to waste, but think of it as an effort to set a lifetime of eating habits. My son is not a fan of dal, regardless I always offer it on his plate. He went months without touching it and then all of a sudden he was drinking it like soup! At present he eats it some days and won’t touch it some other days. But dal is always served to him on his plate.
    7. Don’t stress. I read a line somewhere that stayed with me. “Unless they are ill, a young child will never voluntarily starve themselves.” As parents we worry so much about the quantity of food our kids eat instead of focussing on their overall acitivty levels. Are they energetic? Children tend to graze on food constantly, it may look like they aren’t eating anything but those tiny meals throughout the day add up. Keep an eye on their growth charts and as long as they are growing as per the charts relax and let them be.

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  1. Another often used tactic is to cajole children to eat their food and reward with a sweet treat if they do. This does more harm than good. What you teach your child instead is to look at sweet food as special food. This ends up creating a soft spot towards sweet foods as comfort foods that helped them cope with high stress scenarios. It is also teaching them to finish everything on the plate without listening to their inner hunger cues. This sets a pattern towards unhealthy eating habits for life. Instead focus on creating a positive environment around food and not cajoling and rewarding with sweet treats.
  2. Messy play is a great way to get your child to be comfortable with textures. It is very important to get messy at the table and during play. Embrace the mess!
  3. Get your children excited about food. Cook together, go to the market and read books around different foods. All this helps at the table too. It encourages them to eat their food as they feel a part of the process of making it.
  4. Offer variety from an early age. Offer color on the plate. Make food look appealing, its not just cutting food in cute shapes, sometimes the different foods and colors also look appealing on a plate. You don’t have to cook something elaborate every time. Here are some quick and easy baby led weaning ideas for days you are busy and don’t have time to cook a meal from scratch.
  5. If they don’t like one type of food, make alternatives around it. Example: doesn’t like dal, make dal soup, lentil fritters, quinoa and lentils cakes; while consistently serving dal too.
  6. I mentioned this earlier, be aware about portion sizes for toddlers. Many traditional weaning practices are still modeled around food scarcity and under nutrition model of yesteryears. These were problems in the past, the scenario has changed today to a more food abundant stage. So the traditional practices of serving large portion sizes of energy dense foods can lead to problems like obesity and other diseases. Assess food intake over a week rather than daily along with overall energy levels of the child.
  7. Our role as adults should focus on education, teaching children to listen to their own bodies, facilitating an interaction with healthy food and fun learning experiences around food. The adult decides what to serve the child and, based on what is served, the child will decide what and how much to eat (Horodynski & Stommel, 2005).

To summarize for you, consistently serve healthy foods to your children alongside building a positive environment for them to learn about their foods.

What strategies worked for you with your fussy eater? Let me know in the comments below.

References:

Scaglioni, S., Arrizza, C., Vecchi, F. and Tedeschi, S. (2011). Determinants of children’s eating behavior. The American Journal Of Clinical Nutrition, 94, pp.Suppl 2006S-2011S.

Brown, R. and Ogden, J. (2004). Children’s eating behaviour and attitudes: a study of the modelling and control theories of parental influence. Health Education Research, 19(3), pp.261-271.

Birch, D., Savage, J. and Ventura, A. (2007). Influences on the Development of Children’s Eating Behaviours: From Infancy to Adolescence. Can J Diet Pract Res, 68(1), pp.s1-s56.

Horodynski, M. and Stommel, M. (2005). Nutrition education aimed at toddlers: An interventiontion study. Pediatric Nursing, 31. Pediatric Nursing, 31.

Dosman, C.and Andrews, D. (2012). Anticipatory guidance for cognitive and social-emotional development: birth to five years. Pediatrics and Child Health, 17, 75-80.