solo parenting tips Archives

Before our son started preschool we had a very peaceful morning routine in place. Both of us woke up around the same time, I laid out a few open-ended toys for him to play with as I fixed us some breakfast, then we would eat together followed by one on one time before the frantic schedule for the day started. Our school morning routine though was looking quite different. Even though I read up about helping children adjust to school, it took a while for both of us to adjust to getting ready and out of the house five days a week.

I was missing the peaceful mornings we shared before preschool started. We seemed to be running against the clock every day and rushing to get out the door.

It didn’t help that I have to do this solo on most mornings as my husband usually travels for work.

A rushed start to the morning also meant that I was exhausted by the time I drop him off and start my work for the day. My productivity at work took a hit and I was not happy about how things were progressing.

This is when I decided to take control of the situation and first asked for help. Grandma came to our rescue. After a week with grandma helping out, I took a step back and assessed which areas were most difficult to get through the quickest in the morning. For us, breakfast time and dressing up for school was the slowest drag.

Plus, our son was used to mommy sitting with him for breakfast and now I used that time to prepare his snack box in the kitchen. This left him feeling unhappy which affected his willingness to go to school. Once grandma came over and took over the breakfast department, I sat and enjoyed my one on one time with him, I immediately noticed the difference in his willingness to get ready and out the door. He wanted more time with his Mumma before school. I got that now. It was time to fix our routine.

Today I will talk about how we went from frantic and crazy mornings to a peaceful school morning routine.

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THE SECRETS TO A PEACEFUL SCHOOL MORNING ROUTINE

Prepare the night before

Layout school uniforms, water bottles, school bags the night before.

We prefer having a bath the night before so that the school morning routine is quicker.

I also make sure to prep some of his snack box ingredients and breakfast the night before. This way I am not away from the breakfast table for long and my son gets his wish of mommy and son breakfast time.

For younger kids get them in a routine for a bath followed by storytime and then bedtime. For older kids make sure that they don’t get screen time one hour before bed. Watching screens before bed interferes with good sleep.

A good night’s sleep is essential so the child is fresh and ready to take on a new day. If you have trouble getting your child to bed in time every night here are my top toddler sleep tips to help you get into a healthy nighttime routine.

Wake up before the child

I avoided waking up before my child for a long time. I wanted that extra bit of sleep so bad. But once I started waking up before our son, I could immediately tell the difference in how our mornings changed.

Those extra 20-30 minutes gave me time to prepare breakfast (that way I could sit with him for breakfast, gave us more one-on-one time before school).

I could drink my morning cup of tea in peace. It gives me time to reflect or plan my day in my diary. It puts me in a good mood and that mood transfers to everyone in the household, believe me.

On other days, if my son wants to sleep in a little extra, I let that happen too, in the meantime, I am preparing everything for him. And that little bit of extra sleep makes a big difference to his mood. This technique is especially useful in families with multiple kids, set a staggered wake-up alarm. That way each kid gets time to himself in the bathroom and you avoid early morning bathroom use fights.

Set the mood for a calm morning

There is a strict rule in our home for no screens in the morning. Instead, our son gets time with open-ended toys like magnetic tiles, blocks or his cars. We also try our best to fit in reading books in the morning. This usually gets him in a good mood for the day. I make sure to pick up stories with positive messages or jokes to lift up his spirits in the morning.

Pack simple lunch boxes

I like to go with quick and easy to assemble lunchboxes. Especially on days when I am solo parenting, I tend to go with breakfast ideas that can become the mains in my son’s snack box.

So if we have dosa for breakfast, he gets cheese uttapam in his snack box. Or I stick to quick to prepare snack ideas that won’t take me more than 10 minutes in the kitchen.

I even ask my son to join in and help me prepare his snack box. Add in some fresh local fruit, nuts and seeds and bam! you have a quick and healthy lunchbox ready for school.

Here are a few lunchbox ideas for kids for you to try.

Give the child a heads-up

This is a big one. Before every next step in the routine (especially for younger children) give the child a heads-up about what is coming next. This gives a child an idea of what is happening in the day and you avoid a few tantrums.

You can also use tricks like a 2-minute timer to get dressed or a morning routine chart to get the kids excited about getting dressed and moving along to the next steps in their routine.

Have family morning traditions

At present we do a book reading in the morning and I pack a favorite snack (his favorites are raisins, apricots or cashews) of his for our ride to the school.

You can read positive affirmations, build a special morning song playlist for the car ride, something that the child will look forward to in the morning and cheer him up.

Always say bye with a hug and a kiss.

No matter how the morning pans out remember to always give your child a hug and kiss as you send him off to school. A special high-five or cute byes like, “See you later Alligator” leave your child with a smile on his face and a sprint in his step.

So there you have it, the secret to a stress-free parenting life is establishing solid routines. Especially on school mornings, all you want is for your children to leave home in a happy state of mind and a good routine ensures just that.

How does your school morning routine look like?

If you have followed me for a while by know you know I solo parent 80% of the time. My husband is constantly traveling for work and most of the parenting aspect falls squarely on my shoulders. While solo parenting is quite challenging, over a period of time I have developed my own systems that help me through the solo times.

WHAT IS SOLO PARENTING?

The term solo parenting is used to describe a parent raising children in the partner’s brief absence. While the term is sometimes used interchangeably with single parenting the big difference between solo parenting and single parenting is that in solo parenting the partner is absent only for a period of time. For example when he travels for work or lives out station.

Solo parenting in most cases is not a matter of choice, the situation arises out of circumstances like spouses work obligations.

CHALLENGES OF SOLO PARENTING?

Parenting as it is, is quite a challenge. One of the bigger challenges (and quite obvious one) that I face when I solo parent is being alone. My husband and I are very much involved as a unit on Parenting principles so when he is not around and I am in charge of the ship all by myself I find it very lonely and difficult. Missing the spouse when they are away make one more emotional which can make decision making weaker.

Children are raised by a village they say and when you solo parent you need that support system. It’s a lot of hard work, between home, the children and your job and requires a lot of stamina and actual physical strength. This was one of the surprises of parenting when I first became a mother. No one had mentioned how much more energy and physical strength I would need to garner in order to get through a day.

Finding quality alone time and time to socialize may reduce if you are the primary caretaker and this affects your mental health. Keeping YOU in the list, forget at the top of the list is hard when solo parenting.

Before I continue with what worked for me, I want to make sure to point out that this post is not a comparison to the life of single parents. I am only sharing struggles of solo parents and how to help with solo parenting. Each of these situations is different in their own way and the challenges it presents are also different. This does not mean that one mother’s struggle is harder than anothers.

Here are some tips that help me when solo parenting.

SOLO PARENTING TIPS

Embrace your reality

I spoke about this recently in an Instagram post, but the very first thing you need to survive solo parenting is acceptance. You need to embrace your new reality. Most solo parenting situations arise without any choice. This can cause resentment and self pity. Both very unhealthy emotions to live with continuously.

Life is ever changing and we need to accept our circumstances before we try to tackle the challenges it poses.

If you are not accepting of your life situation the resentment and anger you feel towards your situation will spill over into other parts of your life.

Our children sense our unhappiness and unknowningly we create a stressful and anxious environment in the home.

2. Prepare for the absence

Organize every aspect of your life as much as is possible. Try to set up systems that work without needing a partner around to help. Some of the systems we set up so that the house is fully functioning at all times are,

Grocery delivery each week: This way I don’t need to step out of the house with my son in tow to buy staples. Each week certain basic grocery and pantry supplies are delivered home to help me with meal planning.
Meal planning: When you are running the house solo, meal planning is a huge help. You don’t need to whip up elaborate meals. With a few prepped ingredients you can quickly build a plate of food for your children and you. Here are my meal planning tips for busy moms.
Rely as much as is possible on one pot meals and buildable snack plates.
I plan new indoor activities/ or buy some new toys (stickers, activity books, something small) for my son when dad is away for longer time periods. Children also feel cranky when one of the parents is gone for a while, you need to plan some thing to distract the feelings of lonliness. Helps them feel better and teaches them how to keep onself engaged even in the absence of one parent.
Other than at home activities I make sure to plan social outings and play dates. This keeps both of us busy and gives us something to look forward to when daddy is away.

3. Slow and Steady

When my husband is gone on long stints, I plan my days in a way where I build the pace slowly through the days. I start out with slower unstructured days first and then, other more planned hectic days are scheduled closer to my husbands return. This way I am not exhausted right at the onset of my solo parenting stint.

That said, I understand there are unexpected days and other circumstances that can make this tip useless to some moms, but this worked for us when our son was not in school and I was in charge of our days routine.

4. Routine

Which brings me to routine. Little children are more relaxed when there is a set pattern to the day. Try and instill some sort of structure to your day from the very beginning so that your child can follow along better on days you are solo parenting. Routine is a big help and the only way you can have some me-time at the end of the day.

5. Check your expectations

A big tip I can give any mother who is solo parenting is to keep expectations low. No matter how well you plan there are going to be days when everything falls apart. Everyone needs you, everything needs to be fixed and you have no dinner on the table.

On such days just go with the flow, try your best to be grateful for everything you have, and call a friend for help or put on some T.V for the kids and just rest.

Choose your battles wisely. Allowing the kids a little freeway for peace of mind is okay.

6. Communication

Talk with your partner about both your needs. An important aspect no one talks about is that the traveling spouse misses home and family too. Talk to your spouse, understand his struggles. Carve out daddy and child time when he returns. This can also be the much needed alone time for you.

7. Self-care

Self-care is as important as caring for the family. Many of us look at the time for self-care as something that needs to be earned as a result of working for our families. But if you put yourself last on the list repeatedly, you will soon burn out.

Here is how I create my own self-care routine.

8. Build a support team

And last but most importantly, build a support system. A backup for you to fall on. It can be either of your parents, a baby sitter, or a friend. You need someone to fall back on when things are not going right. There will be days you need a team of people helping you along, and that’s okay. You really cannot do it all.

That’s about it. These are the simple ways I am managing my life as a solo parent on days my husband is away on work trips.

There have been a lot of learnings and through those, I have come to give up on perfection and enjoy the moments I get with our son.

No matter how hard it feels right now, remember this is just a season in your life. You are still in charge of how you deal with it.

I hope this blog post encourages you to embrace solo parenting and find joy even on the hard days.

How do you manage your time as a solo parent? Do you have tips for me?

7 Secrets To A Peaceful School Morning Routine With Young Kids