School-age children require skills to work in groups and with that comes learning how to navigate group dynamics and being able to assert for yourself rather than be overly dominant or meek.
At home, we’ve been figuring out what looks like a balanced approach to getting our point across when there are differing views on a subject. I’ve seen an interesting journey unfold as my son learns first-hand how to navigate these experiences independently without me there coaching on effective communication.
I am glad he is getting the opportunity to learn how to voice his opinions without hurting another’s feelings. It can be quite hard for an 8-year-old, but he has made a genuine effort to communicate effectively.
Learn more about aggression in children in this post.
Here are 3 phrases I taught my child to use when he wants to disagree with a classmate or friend, but do so respectfully.
PHRASES TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO DISAGREE RESPECTFULLY
- I don’t agree because,
Tell your child to start by plainly stating what point they disagree on. If the matter is resolved at this stage that’s a job well done being assertive.
- I understand your point, here is another way to look at it.
Sometimes the child may need to use more persuasion to get his point across. This phrase is a great way to do so without finding fault in another’s ideas. It is more of a gentle nudge to the opposite person to look at things differently.
- We have different opinions on this, so let us find a way to work together.
At other times maybe each child likes their idea or each idea has its merit, in this case, trying to find common ground or a way to represent each other’s ideas effectively may be a great option.
I always encourage my son to stick to the subject of discussion and not veer off topic and make mean jabs at a person’s character traits or resort to calling names.
This is quite common in school-age children who are figuring out how to communicate and get their points across in a group.
It’s natural to feel defensive about your idea but important to understand that it does not come at the cost of hurting another’s feelings.
When things don’t seem to work through discussion its best to teach your child to, “agree to disagree.”
Learning when to give in to the group’s demands and when to pursue your vision and bring everyone on board is a key life skill. It requires lots of practice.
So the next time your child comes home with complaints about not getting an opportunity to present their views in a group, or if your child feels anxious or nervous about highlighting their points in a group, coach them on to use these phrases.
Enact possible scenarios with prompts on how they can present ideas and disagree respectfully.
You can even start by reminding your child to use these phrases at home when they disagree with you. This way they learn to communicate effectively and respectfully.
Hope you found the ideas in this post useful. Let me know in the comments below how you are navigating disagreements with school-age children.
For more on gentle parenting read here.